03.30.2022

Do sea otters think this way?

I asked myself, what do I desire most.
My answer was, to have better than simply being alive.

Some may ask what’s wrong with that.

I would say that I have an ambitious mind, and I’m not satisfied with living paycheck to paycheck, or worse, unemployed, looking at being homeless again.

Wanting to be more stable is fine, but being a wage slave is not a good life.

Time and again I have experienced some kind of abuse from former supervisors and employers, and I’m tired of racism.

I’m tired of being mistreated because I’m bi or gay.

So why work for anyone like that.

I will likely find a job that keeps me sheltered and supplied with food.

That’s fine, that’s cool, but it ain’t a life.

Good Cop, Bad Cop?

From a deranged citizen….

The light is blinding,
watering eyes,
how many hours
I don’t know.

I truly don’t
know what they want of me.

They want my soul.

And they won’t get that!

If only life were black and
white,
the dismal gray it
appears to be.

I tried to tell them that,
it appears the light has
blocked their ears.

I’ve told them what I knew
and now I won’t talk.

I’ll never tell!

03.10.2022

11:04 am

As I said in a previous post, the world disturbs me. It makes me somewhat nervous to see Russia invade Ukraine, killing all those civilians. It disturbs me even more to see the West do little more than to give verbal support and provide weapons.

Yeah, I also see the threat of nuclear war made by Putin. And that he played that card to delay possible military intervention.

It’s like witnessing a rape, with the rapist pointing a gun at anyone who may intervene to stop it.

Maybe I should be happy, because I would have likely started WW III to prevent the rape, sad but true.

Worse, Ukraine had nukes leftover from the USSR’s fall, but let them go for cash, and guarantees of respect Ukraine’s sovereignty and territory.

That for me hurts the most.

03.02.2022

I had a realization,

the reason I’m still alone, is that I need people like myself. And most folks would think me odd for not being dead yet.

Alas there are no people like me,
among billions of people.

And should I ever fall in love,
there is pain….

So I keep to myself.

And yet, the older I get, the more I feel my loneliness, and I think that’s OK.

I have had love and sex that a large number of people could only fantasize about let alone experience it.

I haven’t met anyone that gets into tantra, or who have had spiritual experiences during sex. I haven’t met anyone who wasn’t a Christian, Muslim or Jewish.

Except that one night stand in Minneapolis.

It was a guy in Minneapolis who happened to be pagan.

Other than him, everyone else were different flavors of vanilla.

~ sigh~

Oh well, life goes on….

10 Foot Pole Rule, prose

Hard to be alone,
but I am.

True uniqueness means
you’re alone.
No one to learn from.
No one to love.

It’s not a bad life, really.

No conversations that leads
to argument or bloodshed.

The freedom to walk your path.

No more heartaches or distrust.

I will learn and love
Myself, by myself.

And if I have any friends left,
I will only touch them with a
ten foot pole….