11.24.2019

Why write a personal journal on a blog anyway?

The court is still out on that, so I’ll go ‘with I no longer keep a real leather bound ones, with blank sheets of paper.

Some person decided it was OK to read the old real ones I had when they ransacked my stuff, so here I am….’

That sounds logical, but really a lot of Huey, BS.

On the bus thinking about the Fermi Poradox, and what that means to humanity, (or doesn’t mean).

Since discovering this question online three years ago it’s made me wonder,”where are all the advance alien civillizations?”

I do my own research and I’m afraid that I’m also a bit silly, so I have serveral different creation myths, origins and theories. One of them deal with the Fermi Paradox, and its really quite simple: the reason we don’t see any advance civilizations out in the universe is because it is likely that this universe isn’t real, and that it is a holographic representation and that for some reason, only this planet has intelligent life, a lone fish in a fish bowl….

Some in the scienctific community have discredited the holgraphic universe theory, so we could consider this line of thought as back to square one. But I think it’s true. But if it is true, we left with left with questions than answers.

And the real reason why I write is more about sharing and fulfilling my desire to write.

So, what you guys and gals think about the Fermi Paradox, I’d really like the conversation.

A tree of shadows

Once,
only shadows streamed through my window.

There was once a
dead tree,
overgrown with
worry and bitterness,
it’s blackened gnarled branches blocking the light.

I tried cutting it down with the sharpest axe but it would not fall.

I tried pesticides and a tow truck but the tree grew and grew.

One day,
coming in from the fields,
I found the tree gone

But upon entering my room,
the tree was still there.
I sat on my bed….

The sun shines through,
but I wonder if the tree was ever there….

11.20.2019

Well, that certainly went well….

Not naming names, but a bathhouse should always have jacuzzi working, the steam room should always have steam and not stink of fungus…..

OK, I didn’t have a good time. I only briefly bumped and grinded someone, that’s it. (When you tell men you are HIV+, they tend to disappear. It hurts, but I’m honest by nature.) I have been doing this for a while now, (at least the last 8 years), and I only met a few good friends this way, so overall it’s not working.

And glory holes, while years before were great, I can’t bring myself to use them one way or another. There are all kinds of things to do in a bathhouse, but most of the time I don’t have much enjoyment.

Because of being HIV+….

But I would rather be honest, than to turn into a dishonest person, because love is honest….

Now how do I find more men?

UPDATE

Have thought about it, and I don’t think my roommate violated my me.

So I don’t know who, and I’m not safe….

11.15.2019

Hello everyone.

Just wondering, does anyone remember a city named Torcello in Italy? Apparently, it was a trading center since the Byzantine Empire, reclaimed by its surrounding swamps. It use to have a population of over 20,000, that’s now just 30 since 2016.

Venice, it’s famous canals and buildings, is also going to be reclaimed by nature, due to climate change.

This isn’t news, it’s been flooding as far as I can remember since the ’60s. I bring it up now because I have a bug up my butt concerning climate change, and how humanity have failed to address it as a civilization.

It happened to Torcello, and it may require the determination of the human race to save Venice, and other centers of population from climate change.

I’m afraid, however, that it ain’t gonna happen, and Venice will become another Torcello.

A sterile time of morning

Street cleaners roll by,
quiet
buildings standing asleep,
awaiting dawn while the concrete continues to be cold and hard.

There are no cars rollin’ all parked at the curb shiny under street lights.

People don’t sleep outside here
and so they don’t gather to commune with each other.

A sterile time of morning.

11.12.2019

I entered the room and found that guy I shared my room with gone, which wasn’t a shock, because he informed me that he was leaving. What gave me the shock was seeing the pants I bought from a second hand store rumpled on the floor, along with other clothes, because I had put them away in my draws….

No, I haven’t found anything missing yet, just got in from the work day and my best friend.

Finding my stuff violated like that actually happened last even, I had just back from my daughter’s in Vegas. Tonight its 10:20 PM, and I still haven’t gone through it. (Although, I did pick up the papers, placed them in a stack on the floor, more to go through….).

I guess I can’t understand why.

I lost most of my valuable stuff when I left Detroit to come to San Diego, then ending up sleeping in Balboa Park. Then I got lucky enough to a share a room with another guy in a program for the homeless.

I’m still grateful, only now I don’t feel safe.

11.11.2019

Had a wonderful time at my daughter’s renewal wedding this weekend. It’s good to see her and my son in law marriage endure.

I also saw my old fiance, my daughter’s Mom and family, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

I was accompanied by my best friend and first ex-wife, which was an interesting and good thing.

I remembered what it was like to be married and know I am part of a family, but how can anyone be happy and yet sad at the same time?

Spiritually, I am happy I never stayed married, or that my daughter’s Mom and I didn’t make it work between us

Why?

Because I didn’t live a lie, that would have implied I was a Christian and loving it. I would have spiritually been miserable and unfulfilled.

Less free.

I’m happy for them, love them, by I’m OK with that.

Still have to work on that happiness though

Comrade in arms

People swear we’re still
married,
oh what did we do?

Yeah, there’s a bond of sorts,
of love and friendship and freedom.

Seeing is always good.

But I still remember the wars,
where we both excuted our hostages from our opposing camps, the armies we sacrificed for our love(s).

Need we draw swords again?

Nay! Not by me!

I’d rather you’d kill and get it over with….